Jeff (friend, colleague, owner of giant, fizzing, space-hopper-sized brain) has been reading the local paper of late. He’s at that age where he can’t help but read the death announcements. Perhaps he’s just checking he’s not in there.
So he’d noticed that they all pretty much say ‘went peacefully’ or ‘suddenly’. Now as Jen observed the other night, these things are always full of euphemisms – the obituaries in the broadsheets will say things like ‘a confirmed bachelor and fan of musical theatre’ to avoid phrases like ‘gayer than a treeload of monkeys on nitrous oxide’. We presume that ‘peacefully’ means ‘frankly, we’d forgotten where we left the old bugger until the rest home phoned’ and suddenly: ‘She didn’t half give the kids a shock when they went into the spare room’.
It gets you thinking, though, about what you’d like written about you. Not in the obvious sense of ‘nobody could believe that a man in his eighties impregnated so many lingerie models.’ Just in that single word. Jeff and I don’t want to go ‘suddenly’ or ‘peacefully’. We want to stand out from the crowd. Jeff fancies ‘metaphorically’. I’m thinking either ‘gymnastically’ or ‘surreally’. Maybe, at a push, ‘explosively’.
How about you, lovely blog readers, what adverb would you favour to describe your passing? Come on, join in; I might even give a prize for the one that makes me laugh most.
Let’s face it, in my case, it’s likely to be ‘vitriolically’…

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